


Venn Diagrams

by allegoricalrose (SilentStars)



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-22 02:20:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2490887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentStars/pseuds/allegoricalrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Three Doctors? I can't <i>tell</i> you what I'm thinking right now." Pure crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Venn Diagrams

"So…there's two of you…"

"Yup!" The part-human Doctor bounded across the console and grinned down at her. 

"And Donna…"

"That's the Doctor-Donna," she articulated happily from underneath the console where she was fiddling with the wiring.

"And that's… The universe is okay with that? Three separate people who are also the same person?"

Her original Doctor propped his legs up on the console, brushing imaginary dust off his jacket. "We're not the same, really. Donna's still half, well, Donna. And the Metacrisis over there is part Donna. I'm the only one who's all me." He winked at her and she blushed, looking down at the ground.

"But also the same man," the Metacrisis asserted, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She bit her lip.

"Rose." The Doctor beckoned her over and she crossed the room to him, awkwardly leaning against the back of the jumpseat and twisting a strand of hair in her fingers. The Metacrisis followed, standing behind her with his hands resting on the chair back, his arms around either side of her body. The Doctor glared at him for a moment before taking her hand. "Rose," he repeated, stroking the inside of her palm, "I know it's unusual, but… Well, when has our life been conventional?"

The Metacrisis moved closer, his front now flush against her back. "And we both love you." She shivered at his voice, hot and the back of her neck.

"Except that I love you more," the Doctor volleyed firmly in a tone without room for argument.

"That's absolutely not true, Rose," the Metacrisis argued.

"You might love her with all your heart, but _I_ love her with all my _two_ hearts."

"Yeah, you're right. I love her with all my 100% genetically-compatible _human_ heart."

The full Time Lord raised an eyebrow. "What else of yours is human now?"

The Metacrisis' eyes widened and he took a step back from Rose, glancing down between his legs.

"Haven't checked, have you?" the Doctor taunted, taking the opportunity to drag Rose around to the front of the jump seat and trap her between his outstretched legs. His smug expression faded and he gazed at her in awe. "You're back…"

A slow grin ascended up her face, shaking off some of the haze and surreality. "Yeah…"

"I missed you so much."

"Same," she whispered.

"And you got back to me…I couldn't manage it, but you did… I always knew you were a brilliant one, Rose Tyler…"

"Just as I suspected," the Metacrisis crowed before she could respond, returning back to the room from where he'd dashed out. "I'm not human or Time Lord down there. I'm an entirely new phenomenon."

"That doesn't sound entirely promising," the Doctor snorted. The Metacrisis closed his eyes and shot him a telepathic image.

The full Time Lord blanched.

"That's not playing fair…" he muttered and tightened his legs' grip on Rose.

"I don't know what you two are arguing about, but how about we move past it, yeah? It looks like we're stuck together, and while I'm completely okay with that, better than okay, actually, it'll be harder if you're always bickering with yourself."

"We're different men," they both retorted in unison and recommenced their glaring at each other.

"Right. Okay. The same men and completely separate men. Got it."

"And woman!" Donna called out from under the console.

"Yes. Of course. The same and the different men and woman. This won't be strange at all."

There was a knock at the door. At the TARDIS door that currently opened onto the Hyades star cluster.

"Don't answer it," snapped the Doctor.

"I'm not quite as daft as you, thank you," snipped the Metacrisis. "But who do you think it is?"

"Nothing good could possibly be behind that door." The Doctor dropped his legs from around Rose and instead drew her close into his arms. The Metacrisis gripped her arm.

"I don't want any adventures right now," the Metacrisis whined.

"I want to enjoy Rose being back," the Doctor whinged.

The knocking sounded again.

"But I'm curious," the Metacrisis mused.

"How could we possibly _not_ answer it?" the Doctor mulled.

"Doctor," Rose sighed, addressing them both. , "you know you have to answer it."

"No we don't!" they said churlishly.

"But it could be someone needing help, or stranded or something…"

"Rooooose," they moaned.

"Now we have to…"  
"No choice now…"

"Unless we went to the zero room and turned on the time freezing function!"

"Oooh. Yes, brilliant, let's—"

"While you two plonkers flail around, I'm answering the door," Donna sighed, rolling out on the dolly and jumping to her feet.

"But Donnnnnna…"  
"Donnnnna…"

Rose felt herself pulled more tightly against the Doctor's chest while the Metacrisis looped his arms around her waist and buried his face into her shoulder. Well. She couldn't really say she was against this set of actions although it certainly wasn't how she'd imagined her reunion with the Doctor. Still. Some things were beyond even her wildest fantasies, apparently.

"I'm not losing you again," the Doctor whispered into her hair.

"I won't let anyone take you away," the Metacrisis murmured into her neck.

There was a shuffling and gasp at the door as Donna cracked it open, but wedged in her Doctor sandwich, Rose couldn't swivel to see.

"Jenny!?" She heard Donna choke out. Both Doctors went limp around her, but neither made any move to disentangle themselves from her body.

Gently, Rose pulled herself out of their grasp and took hold of their identically cold and clammy hands, turning so she could see whomever this "Jenny" character was. A tiny blonde stepped inside the TARDIS, dressed in slacks and a form-fitting blazer. Were those pinstripes?

"Donna! Oh, good, you're still here. Is…is he here as well?" Rose narrowed her eyebrows at the dainty woman. Child. She was little more than a child. Fine, not a child. And there was something about her…

Donna nodded her head in their direction, where both her same-but-different men were engaged in a death grip with her palms. The little nymph broke into a smile and ran over, dropping her holster and messenger bag onto the grating as she went.

"Doctor!" She frowned before lighting up as she took in both of them. "Oh! Travelling with yourself these days? I don't blame you: it gets lonely huh? I travelled with my future self for a few weeks, same reason. We mostly just irritated each other, though."

"Jenny… I thought…"  
"Jenny…You…"

"One of them is part human. Long story," Rose explained when their babbling cut short and they just gaped at the girl. Woman. Whatever. "Hi, I'm Rose. I'm sorry, I'm not quite sure who you are?"

Jenny's eyes dilated and widened. "Rose?"

"Yeah, Rose Tyler. And you are?" Rose prompted, confused at the glassy-eyed look the girl was fixing on her.

"Jenny. Jenny, I'm… Rose…" She took a step forward. "I… You're so beautiful… And you make me feel whole, somehow. Didn't know I wasn't…"

"Huh?"

The Doctor on her right wrapped an arm around her waist and the Doctor on her left slung an arm around her shoulders.

"She's wonderful, isn't she?"  
"She makes everything all better…"

"Yeah…" Jenny sighed, still gazing star-struck at Rose.

"Is the TARDIS funneling in laughing gas or something?" She looked between the two Doctors and Jenny.

Donna walked over, chuckling, and leaned back on the console hub. "Jenny's the Doctor's…well, daughter, sorta. Not really. More like his clone. She's genetically identical, baring a few details."

"A few??" Rose forced out, glancing up and down Jenny's lithe figure. Figure. Just figure. Argh!

"Not many, really." Donna laughed again and lightly smacked a Doctor's arm. "Pull yourself together." She turned to Rose again. "It would seem the Doctor's love for you is hardwired into his genetic code."

"We were born loving her."  
"And we'd die a billion times for her."

"You two are getting all sappy on me. Never would have pegged you as the type, but I'm beginning to see it." Donna's jaw dropped and then fashioned into a cheshire grin as information flitted into her mind's eye. "No. Way. You did _not_ write poetry about her…Ohhhh, it's lovelorn and angsty too…"

" _My love is like a red, red rose—_ "

"Not you too, Jenny," Donna lamented, "Rose, I'm so sorry about these three morons."

"Umm. It's okay, I think…"

"Oh, no you don't," Donna warned, shaking her finger at the trio. "Come on, Rose: they're composing telepathic collaborative poetry now. Let's go get some tea and give you a break from these three idiots."

In a daze herself, Rose nodded and accepted Donna's outstretched arm. She glanced back at the three part-or-full-or-female Time Lords huddled together, muttering and giggling between themselves. Just before she and Donna turned the corner, she though she saw a sketchpad and charcoal appear out of the Doctor's trench coat.

"Thanks Donna, it's…it's a lot to take in…" she murmured gratefully as they turned down the first hallway toward the galley.

"No problem." Donna squeezed her arm. And then her bum.

"Donna!"

"That's the Doctor-Donna."


End file.
